All these ideas and no actions

I’ve had a series of epiphanies this week. The most important one being that I don’t want to work for anyone.

Before you inform me that life isn’t that easy, let me tell you that I’m well aware. I’ve come up with different ideas of how I’m going to pursue careers without an employer. And even if they might be dreams, I’m ok with that. I figured I should dream now, and have the rest of my life to work things out, rather than dream later and not have much time left to fulfill my dreams. As far as I know, I have the ability to do anything! (At least that’s what they taught us in school.)

Now, more than ever, I feel like I have the world at my fingertips. (Sorry, journalism gods, about the cliche.) I really thought I was empowered in high school and college, but it’s really hit me now. I could be a great journalist! Or I don’t have to be a journalist at all! I could move to NYC! I could move to San Francisco! I don’t even have to be in one place! I could just bop around as I please.

All these ideas involve me being successful and productive, which I haven’t been feeling lately. I have a goal of being published by The Wall Street Journal by the end of the summer. I’ve come up with story ideas, but after researching them, I find that they’re unoriginal. I want to think of something great. Something they can’t refuse, but maybe I’m just too unfamiliar with the city still. The sad thing is, after a summer of editing, I won’t have any clips for my portfolio. This is my fault, I understand.

Anyway, back to the subject. One of my epiphanies is that I’m going to write a book. This is more of a life goal. I have something started, but it barely has a plot. Maybe I’ll finish before I’m 25?

If not a novel, a poetry book? I’ve been thinking a lot about poetry. Is it something everyone can do? I’d like to say I’ve come far from my Sk8er Boi-structured angsty songs from adolescence. Is there bad poetry? Isn’t it just how you interpret it?

Publishing something might be a good way to work at your own pace, but like Virginia Woolf advised, a woman needs money and a room of her own to write.

Writing isn’t something that pays off right away.

I realize all my goals need money to start. For example, my goal of starting my own business includes buying space and retail items. And a lot other junk that keeps a business going.

The whole money problem brings me back to where I am now — working a 9 to 5 job (technically 10 to 6). I’m not exactly living the life, but it’s what many of us do to make a living. There has to be another way.

I’m struggling with what to do on my free time. I want to use this time to work toward my goals and dreams. But often, I’m just lazy. Or I feel like I don’t have enough time to start a project. It’s true. Most of my day is spent doing my internship.

I read a lot on my free time. I like going to the park, too. You already know that. Should I be reading? Should I save this leisure time for retirement? OK, I’m getting silly now. I suppose I’ll just go with the flow (sorry, again, J-god). Just know that I think I have options, but I’m having a hard time working toward them.

Advice is welcomed.

Published by Emilee Lindner

I’m a writer, cat fancier and lover of all things autumn.

3 thoughts on “All these ideas and no actions

  1. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, you still have your senior year to figure things out! I think it’s great you set goals for yourself. If you somehow can’t complete them-that’s fine. The fact is you’re trying and you’re learning. You’ll figure things out. You probably shouldn’t feel bad for reading on your down time either…most people don’t take the time to read anything anymore. Besides it’s summer! Enjoy yourself!

    “Wherever you go, go with all your heart.”- Confucious

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